My dad wrote the following piece at the end of a lovely day spent together. I had asked him to put his take on our day in writing; a day of hand-holding, good conversation, and pork rib donations to the table next to us (my dad – a most generous soul and more of a Jewish mother than most I know – has to feed others and share a good thing). I am most impressed with his ability to read me so well. I love my Pa immensely and truth to tell, since my mom’s death four years ago, I have been clinging a little more consciously to our precious time together.
By Manny Blackman
These days, Anya mostly calls me ‘Pa’. In her teens (shudder), I was mostly Dad as in “Dad, you are so embarrassing!” Well, the other day she called me with a brilliant idea! How about if she takes a day off her work and we spend some one-on-one time together? I knew her work and family responsibilities were taxing and how rare the opportunities were for a breakout day such as this. We agreed to go for it.
After some sweet time at The Cheese Board Collective in Berkeley sampling exotic cheese, fruit pastry, and a little coffee, we came to decision time – where to next? The choices were North Beach, Chinatown, or whatever. We decided on whatever…the Brown Sugar Kitchen.
Located in Oakland’s industrial suburb, this Louisiana eatery is very special in all of its aspects. It is well worth the short wait for seating amidst the genial and appreciative customers. I am no stranger to this wonderful restaurant; however, it was a first for my foodie daughter. Brown Sugar Kitchen features mostly Louisiana area delights. These include, but are not limited to fried chicken and waffles, spicy gumbo with smoked chicken and shrimp over basmati rice (the clear winner for Anya).
Our fast-moving and cheerful waitress had no difficulty in fathoming our father/daughter connection. Truth is, we rather do look alike thanks to a direct genetic gift from Moses hisself! The joint is packed as we await the arrival of her gumbo, an oyster po’ boy sandwich, and my Jim Dandy to the rescue ribs! My people-watching sweep of this non-kosher paradise brought my gaze back to my Anya. She had been locked onto my face for a goodly bit of time. I asked if there was anything wrong. “No Pa”, she said, but I know her too well to believe that.
I know that her mother’s death had hit her very hard. It had hit all my children hard, but for Anya and my son Kevin, perhaps the heaviest. All of us had, and still do have a personal sense of what might have been “had we but world enough and time”…
I am fast approaching my 82nd birthday. As it draws near, I have no sense of trepidation or dread. Truth is, I am a very lucky Jew. This whole lifetime has been like going to my personal movie without my being in charge. Certain scenes would certainly have been cut and left on the floor. I have read that Gary Cooper, a star of western movies had an only daughter who, upon his passing was “inconsolable”. My hope is that my children are more than consolable.
My hope is that they will understand that the focus of those who came before was on life and light and hope and kindness…..and love.
Me 'Pa'
Next up…living in a world without my mom in it (if you’ll indulge me).
lovely, lovely, lovely. Anya, I may adopt your father
You certainly may borrow him.
What an absolutely lovely moment that you have allowed me to share in!!! Thank you for taking the time to be together, love one another and write your experiences in order to pass along such a wonderfully fulfilling piece of your lives!
And as always, constantly brilliant!!!
What an absolutely kind thing to say. Thank you, Marlo.
Your dad, my cousin, is such a wonderful writer. He exudes so much through his words; just like you. Wonder where you got it from? Thank you for sharing him and lucky you both to have such a wonderful day together. Keep on sharing wonderful times together! I always enjoy speaking to him and wish that we could spend more time together.
Hugs to all….
Thank you, Charna. Will pass your note along to him. Love, love, love.
A very special day spent with Manny….his words moved me to tears. Thanks for sharing An.
Indeed, Sar. Thanks for your sweet words.
So sweet. And perfect timing – my folks are coming in this week for a long weekend with my family. I have great folks, too, and your dad’s sweet piece reminded me of how lucky we are with good relationships. Not a guarantee by any means, I know a lot of folks who struggle. You have a great dad and you recognize it – smart girl.
And I’ve been wanting to try Brown Sugar Kitchen – I keep reading about what a great place it is. I think I may copy your hookey day idea.
You must go and do have the gumbo! I’m getting the fried chicken next time. It looked fantastic. I agree with you about being lucky for the good relationships we have. I counted my mom as one of my very best friends and feel the same way about my father. Not everyone gets that and I feel grateful.
Anya,
Manny,
Thanks so much for sharing these very beautiful thoughts. Sounds like a great day and all sentiments so true.
Love and love you,
Nik
It was a great day. Thanks for your loving words, Nik.
through my tears, I can write how much I loved reading your dad’s story and picturing you two sitting there enjoying great food and each other.
Thank you, Robyn.
what a lovely day and your dad is a wonderful writer. cant wait to check out brown sugar kitchen with you. dad seems to approve!
ps – you guys do look alike!
He doesn’t just approve, I think he has a ‘frequent eater’ card, if that exists. Thanks, Simran.
Dear Anya and Manny,
Thank you for including us in this wonderful day. As usual, my eyes are wet –
Love you!
Cousin Sue XO
If I could hand you a hanky, I would. Sending love from across the country.