Missing Ma

Each year around this time, I typically begin playing my melancholy-mom-song throughout the house…No Frontiers by Mary Black. I flip through photos in my mind of my mom, and all the years I was fortunate enough to have her in my life. I long for the sound of her voice, the taste of her food, and the feel of her love.

She passed away five years ago this month. It’s almost unfathomable how quickly the time has gone by. Caleb was just turning two when she died. He’s turning seven next month and still remembers her. I so wish that she and Sadie had a chance to meet, and that both of my children could have had years to enjoy with their Bubbie, one of the most beautiful human beings I’m lucky enough to have known.

Ma: if you could read this, I’d want you to know how crazy in love you would be with Caleb and Sadie. Lucky for you, their Zadie (Grandpa) showers them with more than enough love for the two of you. I love you, I miss you immensely, and I honor and celebrate your life each day by teaching my children the righteous values you taught me, as well as love for all things food, family, friends, and an appreciation of the colorful patterns and textures of this crazy, beautiful world we live in.

No Frontiers | By Mary Black

If life is a river and your heart is a boat
And just like a water baby, baby born to float
And if life is a wild wind that blows way on high
Then your heart is amelia dying to fly
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen heaven in your eyes

And if life is a bar room in which we must wait
’round the man with his fingers on the ivory gates
Where we sing until dawn of our fears and our fates
And we stack all the deadmen in self addressed crates
In your eyes faint as the singing of a lark
That somehow this black night
Feels warmer for the spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us ’til the day
When fear will lose it’s grip
And heaven has it’s way
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen heaven in your eyes

If your life is a rough bed of brambles and nails
And your spirit’s a slave to man’s whips and man’s jails
Where you thirst and you hunger for justice and right
Then your heart is a pure flame of man’s constant night
In your eyes faint as the singing of a lark
That somehow this black night
Feels warmer for the spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us ’til the day when fear will lose it’s grip
And heaven has it’s way
And heaven has it’s way
When all will harmonise
And know what’s in our hearts
The dream will realise

Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen heaven in your eyes
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen heaven in your eye

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14 thoughts on “Missing Ma

  1. Anya, my very dear…All the framed pictures in this little house are tilted off center. You know exactly what that means! Your loving tribute to Lola has gotten through and I am sure she is deeply appreciative Lola was always very concerned with how good a job she was doing as a mother and friend. You made it clear just how successful she was in one short lifetime. I too love and miss her…Pa

  2. Anya dear, thank you for your loving words. Brought the tears to my eyes. I miss her so much. She was a wondrous person.
    All love,
    Yvonne

  3. Ah, this time of year also makes me think of my mom, who died early Nov 6yr ago. My son was 23yo, grown but not really a man yet. I often wish she could see and talk with him now- to see how he has matured into such a good man, to share in discussions about education and politics, and to share her special love and wisdom with him. We do forever miss our moms, for all they gave us in life. So many questions I still have. As for Mary Black, she is playing sometime in November at Freight and Salvage. She is a favorite of mine also.

    • Thanks for sharing your experience Colleen. Your son is truly lucky to have known her for as long as they had, but we always want more time. I will check out the Mary Black dates at F&S! Thanks for the tip. We saw her at The Paramount several years ago and I was humming her music for days.

  4. We just passed the 2 yr anniversary of my mom’s death. I tried not to wallow in melancholy, but I miss her terribly and I know that she would have adored seeing her grandkids grow. Lovely post, Anya.

  5. Dear Anya, It is absolutely clear that you honor your mom’s life and legacy – you should feel wonderful about that. We were all so lucky to have her in our lives. And thank you for introducing me to new music – - -
    Love,
    Cousin Sue XO

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